


oh, if life were made of moments

by constanted



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alien Technology, Fantasy Ted Allen Is A Fantasy Gay Icon, Gen, Magnus/Julia and Taako/Kravitz are there but not too important, Slight AU Probably But Do I Care? Not Really!, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-28 22:34:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12617052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constanted/pseuds/constanted
Summary: Later, an elf on the run from the law's cart breaks down in a small city.Earlier, a teenager passes out in front of Taako's apartment.(Or: Two disasters keep on meeting. It's alright.)





	oh, if life were made of moments

**Author's Note:**

> this is a spiritual rewrite of a fic i wrote before lup, like, existed as anything more than a mysterious red robe--also with a title from into the wood. just want these two to be bros without fate forcing them to be bros. is it a crime? is it?
> 
> by alien technology i literally mean that aliens have tv, but, like, faerûn doesn't. oop.

**raven’s roost,faerûn, toril — later.**

The elf’s cart broke down, and, well, Julia’s damn good at fixing carts, so she and Magnus welcome the guy into their home—their home, because they’re married, to each other, as of last week, holy _shit,_ he’s never gonna get used to thinking that. 

But she worries about it, before opening her arms.

“He could be a spy—“

“That man’s gone, Jules, I promise, he’s—not coming back. Why’d he send a spy? We _won._ ”

“I—it’s stupid. He’s gone. We’re—I’m just not used to being _done with him_ , it’s—it’s stupid.”

“No, babe, it’s—it’s not. But this guy, I trust him.”

“He’s got a disguise on—“

“Well, okay, that’s suspicious, but—“

“Y’all have any coffee?” yells the elf, in an obviously fake accent. Magnus sighs.

**algi, duolios, solis ii — earlier.**

Lup’s the one who insists on taking them into the apartment, cuz, “they’re just a kid, Taako, we can’t let them—“

“We did,” he says, “They’re a college kid, probably passed out drunk, like Bluejeans always was.”

“He ain’t drunk, babe, I’ve seen drunk humans, and this one—“

“And paid attention? They’re all different, Lulu, not every drunk human’s gonna look the _same_.”

“Taako, they’re, like, eighteen and bleeding. I’m throwing them on the couch.”

And she does. It takes some effort to lift them—they’re fairly large, muscle and bulk, with one black eye and more than a few open cuts. They grunt as the twins pull them up, but they do not wake up.

**raven’s roost,faerûn, toril — later.**

“Sir,” says Magnus, “Uh, we’re—we’re cool with you, uh, staying and all, but—we’d prefer you _don’t_ have glamours on? Just cuz we’re a pretty open household. No secrets.”  
  
“Okay, so, uh, how long does it take for newspapers to get delivered here?”  
  
“Dunno. I don’t read it. My wife does, but—are you in the news?”  
  
“Look, Merle,” says the elf, who shushes Magnus before he can correct him, “You like cooking shows?”  
  
“Oh, yeah, we _love_ Sizzle it Up,” says Magnus, “Back during the revolution, Julia and I would give ourselves, just, like, one night a month to rest. Which was probably not very healthy? But if Taako was in town, we’d give ourselves another.”  
  
“Cute,” says the elf, and he takes down his glamour, and _oh my God,_ “Cool, so I assume you’ve heard the news—“  
  
“No? You're--!"  
  
“Sizzle it Up’s cancelled, dude.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Personal reasons, mainly—my magic’s fucked up.”  
  
“Oh. Maybe Julia can help you, she’s—she’s good at some magic.”  
  
“Nah, it’s—it’s not something somebody else can fix.”  
  
“Well,” he says, “I think pretty much anything can be fixed? If you work at it enough.”  
  
“Oh yeah?”

**algi, duolios, solis ii — earlier.**

Taako’s almost forgotten about the kid. Lup’s off in class, he’s pulling raspberry macarons out of the oven, and he’s got an interview for a boring arcana job lined up later along with his sister.

And then, there’s a groan that makes half of the macaron pieces fall off of the tray, a drawn-out, _“Shit_ ,” that has Taako grasping desperately for his wand before he remembers that his sister is a goddamned saint who brings injured teens into their home and doesn’t remind him of that fact every five minutes, for some fucking reason.

“Where am I?” the kid says to nobody.

“Uh,” says Taako.

“Person!” 

“My apartment,” he says, “My sister made me take you in.”

“Oh. Thanks, I—I’m Magnus. Hail and well met, and—“

“Do people still say that?”

“It’s polite, I guess,” he shrugs.

“Cool. You a student?”

“Night classes.”

“Clearly didn’t have any last night.”

“I work a bouncer job and there was a nasty—“

“Which club?”

“Is this an interrogation? It’s a speakeasy, uh, The Candle, though.”

“My sister bartended there few years back. S’a shithole, yeah?”

“Absolutely yes.”

“Taako. You got a place?”

“Nah, I usually crash in my TA’s place, but she’s moving onto the Institute’s campus, so—“

“They hiring a lot of people, lately?”

“Yeah, I got an interview there later this week—“

“For what position? Cuz my sis and I _are_ filling those arcanist spots, stat.”

“Uh. Security. I already passed the physical, they just—“

“Okay, kid. Okay. You can crash here til the interview. You got a broken nose, but, hey, anything broken can be fixed, right?”

“For real?”

“My sister’ll kill me if I don’t let you.”

“I mean the nose fixing—“  
  
“Sure, I got potion.”

“Hit me, dude.”

**raven’s roost,faerûn, toril — later.**

“Babe,” says Julia, and she kisses Magnus’ forehead as he wakes up, “Our guest isn’t in the mood to cook, so—can you make those pancakes?”  
  
“Which pancakes?”

“The good ones, Mags. You know I’m useless at breakfast cooking, and dad’s not here, so—we don’t have to take out the good shit.”

“Blueberry or chocolate?”

“Both?”  
  
“You’re gross.”  
  
“So are you.”

“Absolutely fair. Sounds fuckin’ delicious.”

And so he makes them. Taako picks at them, nervously, before he sees Julia eat them, and Magnus worries. He’s not sure as to why he’s so worried about a guy he’s never really _met_ , but he is. And that’s—something, surely. It’s something.

Taako won’t eat until others eat first. Is it a force of habit? Some chef thing? Magnus doesn’t know.

“Excessive,” says Taako, “Gotta balance your flavors. Good base, though, taste like my aunt's."  
  
“Okay, Fantasy Ted Allen,” and Magnus rolls his eyes, “You gonna chop me?”  
  
“What the fuck are you referencing?” Julia tilts her head.  
  
"First and foremost, while I respect the comparison to my literal actual hero, I am more playing the part of Fantasy Alex Guarnaschelli right now," Taako laughs, “Second and lastmost, you’ve never seen Fantasy Chopped?”  
  
“Never _heard_ of it.”

Magnus and Taako chorus, “It’s the best show ever—“  
  
“You know when you’re in college, and you’re maybe a little stoned, and you just—“  
  
“You need something to watch? And your roommate doesn’t want too much noise, but you need to, like, feel something—“  
  
“And then gay icon Fantasy Ted Allen just _speaks_ to you.”  
  
“He _understands you_ , Jules.”

And Julia laughs, “You’re both weirdos.”  
  
“Weirdos with good taste.”  
  
“It’s an _inspiration_.”  
  
“It doesn’t exist,” Julia smiles, grabs Magnus’ hand.  
  
“It definitely does.”  
  
“I’ve never heard of it, like, how would you even _watch_ it?”

There’s quiet, for a moment. Taako and Magnus look at each other, and Magnus prays that Taako feels the same familiar static that he does. Sometimes, he says these things that confuse Julia, sings songs she’s never heard, mentions things she’s never heard of, and when she asks him to explain, he can’t.She always says he gets this blank look that she says is endearing but concerning, and Taako—

Taako has that look, now, too.

Julia breaks the silence, knowing what’s going on.  
  
“Mags, babe, when’d you go to school?”  
  
“Uh. Night classes. Only for a little bit.”

**algi, duolios, solis ii — earlier.**

“What classes you takin’, kid?” Lup asks, and Taako sighs. She cares too much about Magnus already—his sister, the saint; his sister, the Good One. Fantasy Chopped drones on the TV, and the three of them are all half-watching. 

“Art History—the TA’s my old neighbor, she got me in on it. She’s helping pay me through, too, just cuz—most folks want a degree, right? For jobs? Kinesthesiolopgy—that’s. Gym. I’m good at that.And a pretty basic non-mage divination course. I’m going light, right now, cuz the Institute liked my app a lot and I think I can get this job, which, like, y’all are applying, you know how _that pays_ , that’ll be the last job I ever need to take.”

“You don’t wanna be a mage? Cuz I can teach you the cool fighting shit.”  
  
“Don’t have the attention span. Dude, I don’t have the attention span for _gym_.”

“We’re goddamn goldfish and we’re mages,” Taako slurps his noodle soup as a chef on TV starts dishing out their sob story, “This fucker—he’s acting like dude pastry chefs are this, like, an oppressed class—“  
  
“Well, aren’t you?” teases Lup. He punches her, and she continues, “Nah,I get it, kid, it’s not for everybody.”

“I don’t think I could teach anybody magic, my man,” Taako, absentminded, says, and Lup snorts at the idea, “Don’t laugh.”

She laughs more. Magnus says, “Hey, I think you could teach something.”  
  
“Cooking.”  
  
“You can get your own show!”  
  
“Taako,” Lup smiles, “Y’know, from _TV_? He was in an ad when we were first in school, had a—whole—“

“Don’t.”  
  
“Went around introducing himself as from TV.”  
  
“Past tense?” Taako joins in. He can make fun of himself. He’ll take himself down before she can.

“What ad?”  
  
“Oh, it went off the air about when you were born, it was for the student-run coffee shop he worked at.”  
  
“Shit. So you guys are young, then, if you only started school here twenty years ago?I had sun elf neighbors, is all—“

“Pretty young.”  
  
“Paragon of elfin youth. We’re about a century old.”  
  
“Little less?”  
  
“One hundred’s coming up soon.”

“God, being young for a century—that’s fucked up.”

“Nah,” says Taako, “S’normal, pumpkin.”  


**raven’s roost,faerûn, toril — later.**

“I’d best be hitting the road,” says Taako, a few days after he crashes, “Cops are probs off my trail, by now. And the cart’s—“  
  
“Functional,” says Julia, and she preens, a bit.  
  
“Call me,” says Magnus, “If you need anybody.”

“Don’t really ever need anybody,” Taako says, blasé, “But thanks.”

“I mean it! Our doors are always open.”

And they won’t be.

**algi, duolios, solis ii — earlier.**

Taako goes with Magnus to the Institute, because, huh, believe it or not, the small-town kid doesn’t know his way around the big city! Whoda thunk?

His interviewer, who had also been Taako’s interviewer, a reserved young woman always carrying two pens, says, “Magnus, you made it. And—with Mr. Fromteve, did you and your sister receive my letter? I’m glad you’re on the team, your sister’s dissertation on evocation as it manifests in different mages was—was astounding, frankly. Helped me with my thesis, last year.”

“We made the team? Also, my sister’s a nerd.”  
  
“She’s _such a nerd._ So’s Lucretia here.”  
  
“Magnus, this is my coworker—and, potentially yours, which, if you—“  
  
“Cretia, chill, Taako and I are tight.”  
  
Lucretia looks like she’s seen the devil, in that moment, like two worlds she does not want colliding without warning are colliding, “You—“ she sighs.

“So. Bye Taako! See you if I get the job. Obviously.”  
  
“Bye, pumpkin. Lemme know if you want those magic lessons, kay?”  
  
“I really don’t!”

And he goes through the door.

**(the astral plane — now.**

“Babe, we have _guests_ ,” says Julia, one day, “A familiar face or two.”  
  
“Creesh finally kick it? I miss her.”  
  
“Nah, and that’s—a gruesome thing to say about your friend, who, frankly, is breaking records, re-longevity.”

“Swear she’s cheating, somehow. Woman’s twenty-one years older than me and she’s—“  
  
“Well, technically just one.”  
  
“Look, technicalities don’t matter here, biology does—“  
  
And Kravitz, who is in the cabin, apparently, says, “She’s got a bit more left.”  
  
“Ah, fuck. We kicked out?”  
  
“Nah, I told you you had as much time as you needed.”  
  
“We needed a vacation home,” says a familiar voice, and Magnus almost tackles his friend, his _brother_ , his bizarro constant, “And y’all said your doors were open, so—“  
  
“Yeah, sixty years ago!”

“Keyword _always_ , mi amigo.”  
  
“Nice to see you again,” says Julia, “And you, Kravitz, is this the _boy_ you were crushing on when we first started talking? You never visit anymore.”  
  
Kravitz sighs, “He’s my husband.”  
  
And Taako asks, “Y’all have any coffee?”)

**Author's Note:**

> thanks cool bye


End file.
